Last year, when Matthew was gaining so much weight, I began to be very concerned about what was in store for him socially. Middle school can be brutal anyway, but for an overweight child...it can be unbearable.
He only recently let on that he is being teased these days: on the bus, in the halls at school, at swim practice. Good god. When I let myself feel it, it hurts so bad. But I have to let myself feel it, cry even, if I'm going to get the emotional energy and clarity I need to do something about it.
I believe that you have to feel all the emotional impact of something that has impacted you. Your energy gets extremely restrained if, for instance, you've been hit by a train and you go around pretending that you haven't been hit by a train. And if you're upset about something that's happening to your child, and you don't acknowledge how it makes you feel, it can make you very tense and anxious around your child, which adds to his own stress. I have to have the courage to feel, and teach my children to do the same.
And the teasing - it makes him want to eat more. Now that I'm extremely sad, let me back up to explain the one bit of happy news.
When Matthew was 7, the week before his first swim team practice, we went swimming and I showed him what "freestyle" swimming was, and had him try a few strokes. Two weeks later, he got his first blue ribbon in a swim meet. The kid can swim fast. He's had success during all these summer swim seasons, even as he's gained weight.
So this fall, we decided to enroll him in year-round competitive swimming. He goes to practice three times a week, and each practice is nearly three hours long and involves dryland cardio and weight lifting as well. He's liked it, but not as much as I thought. Then he finally admitted the other kids on the team tease him. Swim meets are optional in the age group he's in, but Bob and I decided to push him and have him swim in the meet Saturday. He didn't want to. But he did it and he came in first place in his heat in the 100-yard butterfly and second in the 100-yard freestyle. We were thrilled. He was thrilled.
His coach shook his hand and said, "It's good to see you smile for once."
Talk about happy and sad. I was so happy to see how happy he was. And so sad to realize that Matthew, the kid most known (until he hit 12) for his huge smile, was not smiling lately.
I pray that we can build on the swimming.
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1 comment:
Happy and sad....as an outside observer, I think it is amazing that Matthew is able to talk about the teasing. Wow! I would have buried those things from my parents -- in fact, I did! -- because I wouldn't have wanted to hurt them. YOU have done so many things right, have done right by your child, to even BE in that conversation with him.
Wow, I need to take this in.
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