I've been silent for a while. Sadie has been dealing with many things this fall, all of which are intertwined, I'm sure. I've been very overwhelmed at how to help her.
She is in a tough 4th grade class at school. She has had trouble focusing in class, not getting classwork done, and bringing a fair amount of work to finish at home along with her homework. That has taken a lot of energy on our part -- my part -- to get help her get the work done. Which, especially in Sept & Oct, also created a lot of conflict! She has been getting to bed late (I've heard the research finds about children who don't get enough sleep have a higher tendency to be overweight). She has been swimming regularly, but those nights we are up very late finishing homework. Over the past six weeks, we've felt that she is increasingly angry, which has displayed itself in yelling at her sisters, losing control & her temper, and other sort of passive-aggressive behaviors of taking things from her sisters, negative put-downs, and sneaking food. We had her reading level evaluated in September and the test came back showing her two levels below her grade level! (She had finished last year just at grade level.) We saw her pediatrician for an ADD screening. In the physical, she had gained 8 pounds since July!! That's with the swimming and the walking home from school every day. She also has become more and more self-conscious of her body. She's dressing in ways to cover-up, conceal her body. I am curious about how much of her distraction in class could be connected to self-consciousness about her body.
So where do I focus? The calorie consumption? The exercise? The reading? The sleep patterns? The homework skills? The anger management? The clothing options? And what happens if we are headed to medication for ADD?? Her doctor did give a referral for a counselor who, the pediatrician says, is very good at targeting environmental/structural changes vs. medication vs. therapy. So after the holidays, we'll pursue that.
But I also ask myself, how did we get here? And how do we help ground her when Patrick and I are both so stretched with trying to cover the bases of work, finances, the other girls, etc.
It's not all bad. She continues to have very good friendships, friends that are encouraging her in her class, friends who count on her. She is very funny; she was particularly engaged in the presidential election, and made some very astute and funny comments that seem as if she'll have a future writing for Saturday Night Live. A couple of weeks ago, she won a poetry contest in her class. She was selected by her classmates to present the poem in a school-wide assembly which, I've heard from other parents, she did with aplomb. She has taken to the swimming environment, become very independent in how she manages it (except for keeping track of goggles, etc.)
Today was the last day of school for the winter break. Fortunately, we have two weeks off. Our Christmas plans are rather low key due to economy. I'm hoping to focus on the girls, get some time alone with each of them, take some walks. I'm not sure how to proceed with Sadie in the year ahead. It breaks my heart to see her struggle, to see her angry. Where do I go from here?
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Update! We learned on Tuesday that Sadie will be joining the next reading clinic class that runs from January - April. It conflicts with two swimming days. I decided to say "yes" to the reading program and we'll figure out a way to switch swimming around to different days. Where do I focus? Well, it is good to have a clear decision. For now, we'll build up the reading skills, keep the swimming active, and refocus on the "what is my hunger number right now"....
Sadie's fourth grade year sounds similar to Matthew's fourth grade yearL: a quick weight gain despite increased exercise and frustration in school. In Matthew's case, he was at a magnet school for high achievers, and he was just not ready for switching classes six times a day, keeping track of the demands of so many different teachers, etc. I should have just pulled him out of there and we definitely considered it. The good outweighed the bad at that school, though. But just barely.
I think it's great that Sadie will have the reading clinic class. I hope it's a supportive place that helps her gain confidence because that will probably help a lot. Are you considering moving her to a different class as well? I know it gets extremely complicated. We've been through it.
I was talking to a retired middle school English teacher recently, a neighbor of my friend's who happened to have been my daughter's 7th grade English teacher. She said, "The problem is school's no fun anymore." Kids need to have some fun learning, but there's too much emphasis on attaining high test scores now. I certainly had fun in elementary school in California and I is smart!
It does not surprise me that Sadie is astute and funny and a good friend. She's just like her mom! But I think kids who are smart in more unique ways have the most trouble in rigid learning environments. Matthew's the same. I think you are making all the right choices for her, starting with being willing to face the way things are. (It's more comfortable to believe everything's fine.)
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