Anna is a friend of mine from graduate school and the author of the blog "French Kids Don't Get Fat." (http://frenchkidsdontgetfat.typepad.com/) Anna has been interested in kids' nutrition for a long time. In fact, I remember sitting with her in her kitchen with 2-month old Matthew in my arms as she talked about some of her ideas. Anna is a writer, and even back then she knew that childhood nutrition was going to be her subject. Little did I know that this infant son of mine was going to propel me toward that subject as well. I am so happy to have Anna in on this conversation because I think that the two different angles from which we approach the subject is invigorating. I look forward to reading Anna's book someday, but for now I'll follow her blog.
Anna asks several questions in her comment on my blog post titled "Matthew's winning camp essay" and I'll try to answer them here. She mainly wants to know why I think Matthew got fat. In short, I think it's because we followed a typically American diet, pretty high in carbs and fat, and that he was genetically predisposed to being fat. As Anna pointed out, our daughter, who was eating the same, did not get fat, which I think is evidence of the genetic predisposition. I've struggled with my weight, and she will too, but becoming obese would take some doing. Bob, on the other hand, has struggled with obesity to some extent and his family definitely does. I think Matthew got an extra dose of that ingredient in the genetic soup.
I think Matthew also has always wanted to eat more. What causes that? Is that genetic too? If I had steered him toward better foods, which is basically what Anna's theory and blog is about, the outcome would not have been the same. I was too lazy and too unaware. Anna says, "I think you probably knew what he should be eating." Yes, that's true to an extent. I knew a lot about nutrition, but the information is so inconsistent. I remember I went through a phase where I put flax seed in things, for isntance. That was good. But it was peripheral. There's a lot of specialized information out there. I wish I had had an unwavering foundational guideline: Lowfat. Emphasis on whole grains and vegetables. Period.
I blew it. I failed him. We all fail our kids in some way, and I accept that.
He still has quite a focus on food, but he veers toward lean protein and naturally lowfat foods because of what he learned in camp and I help him with that. He blows it often, but I help him get back on track. As of the last couple months, he has launched full force into the puberty process. I tried to wipe off what I thought was a smear of dirt on his upper lip and it was actually the uneven beginnings of soft moustache hair. We sure laughed about that. His voice is changing and he's getting taller. I am crossing my fingers that this will help a lot with the weight issue. I hope that a little vanity kicks in too. I can see him becoming one of those teenage boys that works out and lifts weight once he sees the results. He really likes girls.
Anyway, thanks so much for your questions Anna. Did I answer them thoroughly enough? Please continue to join us here.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Well, not much progress
I've been silent for a while. Sadie has been dealing with many things this fall, all of which are intertwined, I'm sure. I've been very overwhelmed at how to help her.
She is in a tough 4th grade class at school. She has had trouble focusing in class, not getting classwork done, and bringing a fair amount of work to finish at home along with her homework. That has taken a lot of energy on our part -- my part -- to get help her get the work done. Which, especially in Sept & Oct, also created a lot of conflict! She has been getting to bed late (I've heard the research finds about children who don't get enough sleep have a higher tendency to be overweight). She has been swimming regularly, but those nights we are up very late finishing homework. Over the past six weeks, we've felt that she is increasingly angry, which has displayed itself in yelling at her sisters, losing control & her temper, and other sort of passive-aggressive behaviors of taking things from her sisters, negative put-downs, and sneaking food. We had her reading level evaluated in September and the test came back showing her two levels below her grade level! (She had finished last year just at grade level.) We saw her pediatrician for an ADD screening. In the physical, she had gained 8 pounds since July!! That's with the swimming and the walking home from school every day. She also has become more and more self-conscious of her body. She's dressing in ways to cover-up, conceal her body. I am curious about how much of her distraction in class could be connected to self-consciousness about her body.
So where do I focus? The calorie consumption? The exercise? The reading? The sleep patterns? The homework skills? The anger management? The clothing options? And what happens if we are headed to medication for ADD?? Her doctor did give a referral for a counselor who, the pediatrician says, is very good at targeting environmental/structural changes vs. medication vs. therapy. So after the holidays, we'll pursue that.
But I also ask myself, how did we get here? And how do we help ground her when Patrick and I are both so stretched with trying to cover the bases of work, finances, the other girls, etc.
It's not all bad. She continues to have very good friendships, friends that are encouraging her in her class, friends who count on her. She is very funny; she was particularly engaged in the presidential election, and made some very astute and funny comments that seem as if she'll have a future writing for Saturday Night Live. A couple of weeks ago, she won a poetry contest in her class. She was selected by her classmates to present the poem in a school-wide assembly which, I've heard from other parents, she did with aplomb. She has taken to the swimming environment, become very independent in how she manages it (except for keeping track of goggles, etc.)
Today was the last day of school for the winter break. Fortunately, we have two weeks off. Our Christmas plans are rather low key due to economy. I'm hoping to focus on the girls, get some time alone with each of them, take some walks. I'm not sure how to proceed with Sadie in the year ahead. It breaks my heart to see her struggle, to see her angry. Where do I go from here?
She is in a tough 4th grade class at school. She has had trouble focusing in class, not getting classwork done, and bringing a fair amount of work to finish at home along with her homework. That has taken a lot of energy on our part -- my part -- to get help her get the work done. Which, especially in Sept & Oct, also created a lot of conflict! She has been getting to bed late (I've heard the research finds about children who don't get enough sleep have a higher tendency to be overweight). She has been swimming regularly, but those nights we are up very late finishing homework. Over the past six weeks, we've felt that she is increasingly angry, which has displayed itself in yelling at her sisters, losing control & her temper, and other sort of passive-aggressive behaviors of taking things from her sisters, negative put-downs, and sneaking food. We had her reading level evaluated in September and the test came back showing her two levels below her grade level! (She had finished last year just at grade level.) We saw her pediatrician for an ADD screening. In the physical, she had gained 8 pounds since July!! That's with the swimming and the walking home from school every day. She also has become more and more self-conscious of her body. She's dressing in ways to cover-up, conceal her body. I am curious about how much of her distraction in class could be connected to self-consciousness about her body.
So where do I focus? The calorie consumption? The exercise? The reading? The sleep patterns? The homework skills? The anger management? The clothing options? And what happens if we are headed to medication for ADD?? Her doctor did give a referral for a counselor who, the pediatrician says, is very good at targeting environmental/structural changes vs. medication vs. therapy. So after the holidays, we'll pursue that.
But I also ask myself, how did we get here? And how do we help ground her when Patrick and I are both so stretched with trying to cover the bases of work, finances, the other girls, etc.
It's not all bad. She continues to have very good friendships, friends that are encouraging her in her class, friends who count on her. She is very funny; she was particularly engaged in the presidential election, and made some very astute and funny comments that seem as if she'll have a future writing for Saturday Night Live. A couple of weeks ago, she won a poetry contest in her class. She was selected by her classmates to present the poem in a school-wide assembly which, I've heard from other parents, she did with aplomb. She has taken to the swimming environment, become very independent in how she manages it (except for keeping track of goggles, etc.)
Today was the last day of school for the winter break. Fortunately, we have two weeks off. Our Christmas plans are rather low key due to economy. I'm hoping to focus on the girls, get some time alone with each of them, take some walks. I'm not sure how to proceed with Sadie in the year ahead. It breaks my heart to see her struggle, to see her angry. Where do I go from here?
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