How is it going with Sadie?...

What really struck me in your recent post was, how did you say it, "we are committed to the journey without being very focused on a specific goal". Wow! So, how's it going here?....

Well, we were delighted when Sadie chose for herself to join swim team this year. She is really enjoying it, comes home tired and aware of her body in new ways after workouts. She said to me, "maybe if I do this, I'll get thinner". I responded with your advice in mind, but was also aware that she is trying to make changes. We've been working with the "how hungry/full am I" measurement of 1 - 10, which has given us a new language. We even bought pedometers for her and me!

But we started back to school which brings a realm of distractions, frustrations, things that get in the way. She is struggling with her classwork and homework. (Talk about feeling that I've failed her!) But what has been hanging over me, or nagging at me, is the realization that we can't just take this weight issue on, reach the goal and be done with it. That it is hourly lifestyle choices, a way of life. And let's face it, I've spent decades trying to ignore that fact in my life.

Now, I hate to make her issues all about me, but my reluctance to deal with her issues, to lead her to new choices and validate her current feelings is all about the very same things that I've been running from my entire life. It sickens me that she will have to deal with this her entire life. Okay, I've got to get over that.

So your words about the family committing to this, embracing this, really helps me see this differently. What Sadie weighs as an adult is probably not my responsibility. Giving her the skills to make choices, understand how her body works, find her strength, find ways to express her feelings...well that is my responsibility, our responsibility.

Callie has been assigned by her ballet mistress to keep a journal of what she eats. (I inquired: "did she talk about weight or being thin?" to which Callie replied "no, she just wants us to be eating healthy food"....let's hope!) But what a perfect time for us all to start keeping journals of what we eat for a few weeks, to create new awareness, to get me focused on the things that I've been avoiding for the past decade, to commit to the journey of healthy living.

We'll see how we do today.