What really struck me in your recent post was, how did you say it, "we are committed to the journey without being very focused on a specific goal". Wow! So, how's it going here?....
Well, we were delighted when Sadie chose for herself to join swim team this year. She is really enjoying it, comes home tired and aware of her body in new ways after workouts. She said to me, "maybe if I do this, I'll get thinner". I responded with your advice in mind, but was also aware that she is trying to make changes. We've been working with the "how hungry/full am I" measurement of 1 - 10, which has given us a new language. We even bought pedometers for her and me!
But we started back to school which brings a realm of distractions, frustrations, things that get in the way. She is struggling with her classwork and homework. (Talk about feeling that I've failed her!) But what has been hanging over me, or nagging at me, is the realization that we can't just take this weight issue on, reach the goal and be done with it. That it is hourly lifestyle choices, a way of life. And let's face it, I've spent decades trying to ignore that fact in my life.
Now, I hate to make her issues all about me, but my reluctance to deal with her issues, to lead her to new choices and validate her current feelings is all about the very same things that I've been running from my entire life. It sickens me that she will have to deal with this her entire life. Okay, I've got to get over that.
So your words about the family committing to this, embracing this, really helps me see this differently. What Sadie weighs as an adult is probably not my responsibility. Giving her the skills to make choices, understand how her body works, find her strength, find ways to express her feelings...well that is my responsibility, our responsibility.
Callie has been assigned by her ballet mistress to keep a journal of what she eats. (I inquired: "did she talk about weight or being thin?" to which Callie replied "no, she just wants us to be eating healthy food"....let's hope!) But what a perfect time for us all to start keeping journals of what we eat for a few weeks, to create new awareness, to get me focused on the things that I've been avoiding for the past decade, to commit to the journey of healthy living.
We'll see how we do today.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
I need to not think so hard about my replies
Because then I hesitate to post, because I want to be sure I'm being as honest with myself as possible, so I put it off to think about it, then life intervenes--business trips, family trips, taking a kid to college, and a little back spasm.
But this is not so hard to answer.
There was a long, intermediate period between "he'll grow into it" and "we must take this more seriously." I would notice how heavy he was getting, fret about it, look for an answer, then put it aside. I mean really, I would feel, especially in the middle of the night, like I'd really failed my child. It was awful. It's a lot of why I want to write this blog.
Giving straight answers, but not wanting to create failure. That's the tightrope. If I could go back to the first "Mom, am I fat?" question I would give him some height/weight numbers, introduce him to the BMI, but make very clear that we're all going to work on being healthier. We're going to watch what we eat and we're going to get more exercise. I think it would be a bit like walking a tightrope - not overemphasizing the goal, but really commiting to the project - but I think the possibility of "failure" could be avoided. We are walking that tightrope here at this very moment and will continue to. As parents we're totally committed to this program and are finding it easy. Bob has lost 15 pounds and I've lost nearly 20. It's not as easy for Matthew, but he's committed.
My neighbor's pediatrician informed her at a well-child checkup this summer that her six-year-old daughter was obese. The girl is as cute as can be, and seems minimally chubby. My neighbor didn't even consider giving the news to her daughter, because the girl has no awareness or being overweight whatsoever. What the mom did, though, was gently and gradually say no to the requests for juice, the desserts, and she increased exercise in her whole family. She has one beanpole daughter and two who love to eat. I think she took the right approach, and I wonder if I would have done the same if my pediatrician had brought out the "O" word when Matthew was that young.
How's it going with Sadie?
But this is not so hard to answer.
There was a long, intermediate period between "he'll grow into it" and "we must take this more seriously." I would notice how heavy he was getting, fret about it, look for an answer, then put it aside. I mean really, I would feel, especially in the middle of the night, like I'd really failed my child. It was awful. It's a lot of why I want to write this blog.
Giving straight answers, but not wanting to create failure. That's the tightrope. If I could go back to the first "Mom, am I fat?" question I would give him some height/weight numbers, introduce him to the BMI, but make very clear that we're all going to work on being healthier. We're going to watch what we eat and we're going to get more exercise. I think it would be a bit like walking a tightrope - not overemphasizing the goal, but really commiting to the project - but I think the possibility of "failure" could be avoided. We are walking that tightrope here at this very moment and will continue to. As parents we're totally committed to this program and are finding it easy. Bob has lost 15 pounds and I've lost nearly 20. It's not as easy for Matthew, but he's committed.
My neighbor's pediatrician informed her at a well-child checkup this summer that her six-year-old daughter was obese. The girl is as cute as can be, and seems minimally chubby. My neighbor didn't even consider giving the news to her daughter, because the girl has no awareness or being overweight whatsoever. What the mom did, though, was gently and gradually say no to the requests for juice, the desserts, and she increased exercise in her whole family. She has one beanpole daughter and two who love to eat. I think she took the right approach, and I wonder if I would have done the same if my pediatrician had brought out the "O" word when Matthew was that young.
How's it going with Sadie?
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