Good start to a new year

Sadie has had a good couple of weeks. She has been very "on her game". After a great two-week break from school, she was up and ready to go every morning last week! Back to school, back to swimming, kept up with her homework and got to go to "Fabulous Friday", the 4th grade equivalent to "achievers club".

She was already off to a good start when we added a little something new....we did some screening in the fall for ADD. This had been hanging over my head for a couple of years...does she? doesn't she? is this the hang-up in her reading and work completion? what do we do if medication is involved? Well, in talking with her pediatrician right after the new year, she is "borderline inattentive"...at least that is what I took away. Okay, then. So, after discussion, we decided to follow the pediatrician's recommendation and start her on a low-dose of medication. Ugh, even typing those words I wonder if we are just medicating her to help her "get along in the system"... Or are we helping gain her "edge", calm down to get her work done, strengthen her self confidence, help her breakthrough on some of those issues that I mentioned were overwhelming me right before the holidays. Or am I helping me with the issues. We'll see how it goes. I'm glad that she was demonstrating "on her game" before the meds....

As I write you, I am struck by the, well, "I". What I appreciate about our dialogue is that I can speak candidly as I attempt to navigate weight and body issues as a mother, that I can learn from your experiences as a mother. But I get irritated that Sadie's situation seems, well, all about me!!

My cousin, with whom I share a lot of genetics and history, read through our discussion and shared some things with me in a private email. She also has a daughter about Matthew's age and has great insight on the fine line between "my body issues" and "my child's body issues". Some things she said in our exchange have really stuck with me:

1. It is all about me in that the best thing I can do for my daughters is to be a good example. Take my own food, health, strength, flexibility and self-care seriously. I've had it in this "I'll get to it" place ever since the older girls came along. After the third baby, when I was "just forty", I was energized to "finally address" my weight, to regain my sexiness. Quite frankly, I was eager to feel sexy again and have all the baggage of youth behind me. Just really find the "me" and live out this next phase of my life.

But "life" got in the way -- financial stress, disappointment, depression, rage, fear, the daily schedule of raising three young children, returning to work, uncertainty for the future. For four years I've lived with a "I've got to just get to a point of safety and then I'll address my weight"; until then I'll just try and keep life around our house stable.

The world is soooooo uncertain now that I think I should just "address it", move it to the front. The financial stress is just there. The disappointment -- kind of over that! The depression -- well, that's improved since I started taking my OWN little blue pill last year. Same with the rage. The fear? Well, we are all living with that. The daily schedule? Won't change really. So I may as well just do it. Maybe cut the cord between "Sadie's teetering on childhood obesity" and "my middle age decline". Just focus on me when it comes to this.

2. There are some things that we just can't have around! In my desire for ease and normalcy vis-a-vis weight, I've always touted moderation. There are many things we don't eat, or bring into the house anyway: pre-made, processed cookies, crackers, snack bars; juice drinks; the dreaded high-fructose corn syrup-ladened processed foods and ready made meals. But there are things that I hang onto: Lay's Wavy potato chips (it says no trans fat!), real ice cream, homemade cookies, breads and desserts (the fact that they take more effort to make sort of slows down the frequency of consumption, right?), dark chocolate m&m's. But if I'm finding Sadie sneaking food (think I talked about that in another post), then it's not fair to her. And if I'm not budging in my own weight, health, stamina and flexibility, then it's not fair to me. There are some things we need to just not have around!

I finished Eric Clapton's autobiography over the holidays. In the early years of his drug and alcohol addiction recovery, he tried very hard at moderation. He wanted to feel "normal"; he wanted to fit in with the life and circle that he had. He limited himself to three drinks a day as an attempt to have a normal relationship with alcohol. In reading that, I thought, "Is he crazy?! Can't he see that a person with his addiction just shouldn't have those things around?" But I know that wacky desire for "normalcy", that justification that if we just have a few special things around, then the kids won't develop a deprivation desire for them. But the one with the healthy weight leaves them alone. The ones with the genetic predisposition to crave carbs, eat them, then sneak them, and end up just eating too much of them. We just can't have them around.

3. My cousin also spoke of feeling good about the positive feedback, positive identification that she gets from sharing her baked goods with other people. That has really stuck with me as well, because I too enjoy that. Enjoy being the "auntie" that brings the pie or cobbler that the kids love, enjoy when my kids are eager for the special thing that "my mom makes", love to share pretty Christmas cookies with friends and neighbors. But what if I found a replacement for that that isn't food. Isn't food that I end up eating too much of? What other healthy, less carb, fat & sugar-laden activity and/or creation can I do instead that provides the same sense of nurturing, creativity, sharing, but also shifts the connection from food??

So we are starting a new year.

Jan

"I was a fat kid" stories

My husband sent me a link to this website:
http://www.catay.com/fatkid/index.asp

The author of the blog invites people to submit their stories about what it was like to be a fat kid. It's powerful. She puts them in different categories. Here's a quote from one of the stories in the "school" category:

"If either of my girls do develop a weight problem, I will pull them out of school and home-school them. "